i can't believe I could be this depress bcoz of homesick. When i saw my dear mummy and family walked into the departure gate, my tears start dripping down, I tried really hard to hold it and supress my feeling as I don't wanna show my true emotion in front of my mummy, or should say I am too shy to show it, But as they walked into the gate, my tears can't be held anymore. I used to hear ppl saying when they feel hearbreaking, their heart can literally feel the pain and sometimes you feel so bad where you can't breathe, I don't use to believe or realise how painful it can be, but this time I seriously understand how painful it could come to be.

Me taking underground back to victoria station, i tried to calm myself down as i never used to cry in public, for me crying is to personal to do it in front of public, but awww~ my tears again just kept dripping down without reason, everytime when i thought of the time we spent together, happy dinner together, picture and crowded in a lousy dorm my heart felt so heavy, and my eyes were turning red and so painful.

i tried different ways to persuade myself I am making a right decision to stay which i still think it is, but its just the sorrowness won't leave, tears won't stop. I hate myself being so emotional as this shouldn't be sth so depressing, I hate myself being such a lousy person and being so weak.
why can't I be stonger ? and just go ahead with my decision?

I miss my dear mummy so much so much, and my lil bro eventho i din see him here, I miss my lil gugu who always like to exaggerate, my uncle who behaves like a lil kid, aunt and yings' sis. I think Bi is right, they existence make me feel like i am having a family here, making me feel so secure and comfy eventho they sometimes too chatty and noisy, but without them I feel so much so that I am alone here! awwwwww~

bcoz of them, now I have so many memory in london.

I hope it is just bcoz i m not used to their leaving and will b recovering soon!

p/s khim: RMB ur aim n work hard for watever you want to achieve!!!!! AZA AZA!!!!!!